Stuff white people like.
If only I were this witty.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Return and report
First of all, I'd like to point out that I don't always look so strange. I suppose that's what happens when a BYU co-ed takes your picture. (Random benefit of the name change: all BYU co-ed jokes now officially apply.)The Business Summit was a success (my tracks were full of students, as I'm sure the others' were) and it was great to visit with the students. If Xav wasn't such a hard sell, I just might be tempted to apply for their open position. All speakers were hugely influential while at the same time sweetly humble. I'll go ahead and venture a guess that I was included in the festivities because of my minority status, but I'll take it. It was great to meet the other speakers and I was uniquely able to talk about women in homes, families, careers, and technology. It still shocks me that girls have such a hard time making excuses for getting an education, especially one in tec
hnology. I mean, come on: I, for one, get paid well, work from home and have a very flexible schedule. (Okay, off the soapbox for me now.)The trip was even more fun because we stayed with my cute grandparents. This picture was taken in the new Florence's.
Rexburg staples were had: Craigos (sadly, fallen from its glory), Fongs (waaay better than I remember, which is hardly possible), Millhollow Frozen Yogurt (yummy), Florences Chocolates (still enjoying those
), Horkley's (up to 35 cents for a refill), and Chiz's (yes, Chiz is still working in her 80's). We also went to see my dad, but only waved. I wasn't willing to trek through the snow in my heels.My lectures on Friday kept me in Rexburg longer than planned, so we didn't get on the road to Logan until 2:00pm. We caught up with Dr. Olsen quickly (hi Olsen fam!) and did dinner with Lauren at the Factory Pizzeria before heading home. (Yeah, Brett was a loser and went to his job. Sheesh.) Big sorry to Jill... I would have loved to catch up, but just ran out of time. I owe you ColdStone. Speaking of ColdStone: we ran there quickly on our way out of town and encountered an interesting (read: wierd) fellow. He walked right up to Xavier and asked, "So, are you Native American or something?" To which Xav replied, "It's called Mexican."
We continued to Bountiful and crashed at my mom's house. Saturday morning was family pictures and then food and family time. Jed and Katie brought their adorable newborn and the rest of Mark's clan joined us for lunch. I missed Julia due to technical difficulties, but I'll stalk her later, too. On Sunday, Xav cooked a turkey for the family on a Weber grill and we all ate until we couldn't fit anymore... then ate some more. And fit in some of Jonathan's homemade ice cream. Unfortunately, we had to fly out that night. :( I've posted some family pictures below, including one with me and my niece. No, she's not mine, but I might steal her some day.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Rexburg or bust
So, I'm actually headed back to the 'burg after five years gone. Holy cow. I can't believe it's been this long... though that's probably how long it takes for me to be excited to go back. So what in the world would possess me to go from the beautiful, sunny weather in Tucson to the frigid, windy cold of Rexburg?
BYU-Idaho's Business Summit. I'll try my best not to corrupt the students. On a side note, I'd include a link to the summit, but for some reason, their info page is hidden behind a username and password. Ugh... As a usability researcher, I groan every time I have to stumble my way through their website. It's pretty and looks nice, but it's completely non-functional.
I've included our schedule and contact information below in case any of you want to visit. If you'd rather avoid me entirely, just say you're sorry you missed me, but you didn't read my blog until Sunday.
Wednesday - SLC to Rexburg
BYU-Idaho's Business Summit. I'll try my best not to corrupt the students. On a side note, I'd include a link to the summit, but for some reason, their info page is hidden behind a username and password. Ugh... As a usability researcher, I groan every time I have to stumble my way through their website. It's pretty and looks nice, but it's completely non-functional.
I've included our schedule and contact information below in case any of you want to visit. If you'd rather avoid me entirely, just say you're sorry you missed me, but you didn't read my blog until Sunday.
Wednesday - SLC to Rexburg
- 2:25p: Land in SLC and drive to Rexburg.
- 6:30p: Miss the official speakers dinner in the MC. I would have tried a lot harder to make it if it was still going to be held at Craigos.
- 7:00p-ish: Go to dinner with Grandma and Grandpa Forsgren. Probably to Craigos.
- 7:00a: Breakfast. (Ouch. Xav might not make it to this one.)
- 7:30a: Prayer meeting.
- 8:00a: Panel Discussion - Taylor Chapel.
- 9:00a: Presentation - Taylor 160.
- 10:00a: Presentation - Taylor 160. (I'll probably just present the same one twice. I'm too lazy to prepare two completely different talks when the audience will change.)
- 11:00a: Crash Coach Reeve's volleyball class. The original plan was for me to actually change and play with them, but I have to be dressed up and pretty again for lunch. :(
- 12:20p: Luncheon - MC 272. Boring, formal lunch in the MC. See why I'm not breaking any speed laws to make it to dinner the night before?
- 2:00p - 3:30p: Open. Though I can listen in on the keynote speaker if I'm bored.
- 3:30p: Reception for Speakers - MC 272. I'll be playing nice with students and faculty and have to kick around here for an hour or so.
- 6:00p and on: Open. Probably dinner at Chiz's or Fongs. Maybe squeeze in a visit to Millhollow Frozen Yogurt. Mmmmm.
- Until noon: speak in a few classes. Continue to avoid corrupting and/or scaring students.
- Noon: Go to Florence's chocolates and drop some flowers off for dad. Then head to Logan.
- Logan: Chill with my lil bro and his awesome wifey and some old friends.
- Family pictures in the morning.
- Probably go shopping with Tiffany. That girl can out-shop anyone.
- Eat lots of candy from Easter baskets. (Thank heaven Easter isn't Fast Sunday this year. That was just mean when I was little.)
- Church with the fam.
- 7:25p: Take our cold butts back to the sun.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
P is for Progress
So after a lot of thinking and sitting and praying - definitely helped by my insomnia, which is keeping me up all night but somehow not making me tired - I've figured out that I just need to do all that I can do. I just need to make a to-do list (I love me some lists, in case you didn't already know) and start plugging away. Sure, I might not finish the dissertation in time to graduate in May, but without an academic position, I can graduate in August. I might not have a job yet, but it's still early, and job hunting will only get easier when I have the dissertation defended, the PhD locked in, and more time to devote to job hunting. And really, taking a little pill for a few more months won't kill me. My lady doctor strongly suggested I stop taking them at certain intervals anyway... which is in a few months. Score.The best thing I realized is that of all the things on my list, worrying and stressing don't have to be there. They don't have to be line-items. (I mean, they were, but I've crossed them off now. That's what the past couple of weeks were for.) Sure, I have to do my part and the big guy upstairs will help me out, but he doesn't expect me to freak out in the meantime. It's not part of my job description. (Even though I tend to do it anyway. That's me - above and beyond.)
For today, writing still wasn't happening. But it's okay. I cleaned out the garage, dusted, ran errands, and upgraded the memory in my computer. It sounds trivial - gosh, just looking over the list seems silly: I ran errands. Big deal. But compared to the daunting paralysis I've been stuck in, this is great. I feel a lot better about things; I accomplished something... And then I got an email from a faculty member offering me some of her office space (shared with another sweet, hard working, quiet student) in the department through the summer. :) For free. And I'm not even her student. !!! Yay. Serious yay.
This message brought to you by the letters P, E, and W, and the number 6.
Monday, March 10, 2008
My favorite niece
Okay, so after that bummer of a post, it was nice to happen upon this picture of my niece. Let's just say that it took a few minutes to compose myself and my side still hurts from laughing so hard. (Click to enlarge. It gets funnier.)
Dear Reagan, I make that same face when forced to wear BYU gear. I'll be sure to get you more appropriate USU and U of A attire. Go Aggies and Wildcats!
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Sunday, bloody Sunday
Ugh. I cannot handle 2:30 church. I'm sorry, but I just can't. When my ward in Hawaii rotated to 3:00, I had the same problem. I'm sorry, but it isn't working for me. Call me evil if you wish, but I may just find a new (read: morning) ward to adopt me for the rest of the year until we (hopefully) move.
In the meantime... I'll warn you that the rest of this post is going to be pretty whiny, so you should probably stop reading now.
I have been having a difficult time with life in general and it's taking its toll. (Dear Julia, check out my correct use of it's and its. I'm proud.) With the probable fall-through of the UNCW job, my dissertation has taken a hit. I know it just needs to be finished, but my motivation has vanished and writer's block has taken over. It's so hard to push through a ridiculous deadline with nothing in sight.
With no faculty jobs, I'm now looking toward postdocs and industry jobs. The problem with postdocs is they are 1-2 years and pay practically nothing. (Read: no babies here, both for financial reasons and near-term job hunting reasons.) The good news is that I would be mentored under another researcher and would have those years to focus on research, thus strengthening my CV and improving my chances of securing a faculty position in the next year or two. Unfortunately, most postdocs have already closed the applications process and I haven't found any in the West. One that is very interesting and very tempting is in Pittsburgh, but I really don't know if I could justify moving the family out there for two years for (likely) low pay and a job snafu for X. And really, I'm not doing two years long distance to Pittsburgh.
Industry jobs come in two flavors important to me: research and not research. A research job would be wonderful, because I could focus on research and publications, thereby padding that CV for a faculty position. It would also be nice because it pays well and I would stay for at least a few years, allowing us to start a family and making it more excusable to move the fam. Regular work would also be nice because it would pay, but any research and publication work would have to be done in my spare time. Ugh. I did that through my two years of working full-time through my PhD program and landed me in the spot I'm in now: very little research done and published. But on the plus side, it would pay better than a postdoc and we could start a family (refer to the paid maternity leave). Also better than a postdoc: a real job (both industry and research) doesn't expire after 1-2 years.
Which sorta takes us into the baby discussion. Many of you may laugh and roll your eyes, so just skip this paragraph. Go ahead... Okay good. Back to what I was saying: I'm 29 and for some reason, my biological clock has decided to attack me with a sledgehammer on a daily basis. Luckily, X is on board. Unluckily, I have that whole finish-school-get-a-job problem. I know many peeps in my religion-of-youth* would tell me to go ahead and get knocked up; God will provide. Um, sorry. I agree he'll provide, but I tend to be in the "after all we can do" and "helps those who help themselves" camp. I got billz. And student loans. And an extra house in Tucson that's about to be empty, if you know someone who wants to rent or buy. And sorry, but I'm just too practical for this. If I can get a job and work for a couple of years, I can pay off my student debt - with paid maternity leave! - and we can decide as a family if I want to continue working or stay at home. /gasp!/ Blasphemy, I know. But I have a sneaking suspicion I will have a psychological need to feel productive and engage in multi-syllabic conversations on a daily basis. I might have remote work options available to me. Then again, I might not. I might be perfectly content to stay at home. But I want the option, and in the meantime, I got billz.** Oh - and did I mention I'm 29? The postdoc options would pretty much mandate that I wait at least another two years before even thinking about getting pregnant.
And so after all of the explaining comes the whine, er, dillema. Without any solid job prospects, writing is like pulling teeth. I either can't bring myself to even start, or I rewrite the same section 12 different times and delete all of them because they're awful. Which then reminds me that the reason I can't write is because I have no job lined up. By this point, any word-related skills are gone, so I get distracted and clean the house. (I have one small cubicle at the University, but it is shared with first year students who conduct group projects there daily.) While I'm stressing about not writing and not having a better place to write, I read my sister's blog and see adorable pictures of my niece, who coincidentally looks just like me. To avoid that blog, I check my cousin's and see their beyond adorable newborn son. By now, I'm in an estrogen-laced baby fit, which is eventually interrupted when I remember that I can't have a baby until I get a job. Oh, and I can't get a job until I finish school, which requires me finishing the above-mentioned dissertation. Rinse and repeat - all day long. It doesn't help that I'm an over-thinker. It's getting so overwhelming that some days I just can't get out of bed, or I take 3- and 4-hour long naps. Or on some days, both. On top of that mess, I'm an emotional eater, so I've also put on a few pounds, which some less-than-ideal friends have been so kind as to point out in front of others, further embarrassing me. If I don't stop this soon, I'll end up 25 pounds heavier with shingles again. (Yeah, when I get this stressed, my body pretty much just gives up and shuts down.)
So, dear blog-reading friends - all 2 1/2 of you - I am soliciting your help. Do any of you have any thoughts or ideas? How do you pull yourselves out of a spiral? I sincerely apologize if this is coming out with a whine; I need to get this out of my system and I'm genuinely looking for ideas.
*My religion-of-youth and religion-of-current are the same, and yet often very dissimilar. It has the same formal name, yet very different cultural norms. For instance, both involve going to the same buildings and reading the same things. But they differ in how the people treat one another and assumptions that are held. One assumption involves the selfishness and evil-ness of women who work.
**Update. This post was interrupted by church. It was interesting that the theme for ward conference was "Prepare Every Needful Thing" and the emphasis through the whole meeting was financial, including going to work, being self-reliant, and doing everything we can to budget and pay our bills. So guess what: I gotta work. So say the numbers or until I learn a new kind of math or X buys us a winning lottery ticket.
In the meantime... I'll warn you that the rest of this post is going to be pretty whiny, so you should probably stop reading now.
I have been having a difficult time with life in general and it's taking its toll. (Dear Julia, check out my correct use of it's and its. I'm proud.) With the probable fall-through of the UNCW job, my dissertation has taken a hit. I know it just needs to be finished, but my motivation has vanished and writer's block has taken over. It's so hard to push through a ridiculous deadline with nothing in sight.
With no faculty jobs, I'm now looking toward postdocs and industry jobs. The problem with postdocs is they are 1-2 years and pay practically nothing. (Read: no babies here, both for financial reasons and near-term job hunting reasons.) The good news is that I would be mentored under another researcher and would have those years to focus on research, thus strengthening my CV and improving my chances of securing a faculty position in the next year or two. Unfortunately, most postdocs have already closed the applications process and I haven't found any in the West. One that is very interesting and very tempting is in Pittsburgh, but I really don't know if I could justify moving the family out there for two years for (likely) low pay and a job snafu for X. And really, I'm not doing two years long distance to Pittsburgh.
Industry jobs come in two flavors important to me: research and not research. A research job would be wonderful, because I could focus on research and publications, thereby padding that CV for a faculty position. It would also be nice because it pays well and I would stay for at least a few years, allowing us to start a family and making it more excusable to move the fam. Regular work would also be nice because it would pay, but any research and publication work would have to be done in my spare time. Ugh. I did that through my two years of working full-time through my PhD program and landed me in the spot I'm in now: very little research done and published. But on the plus side, it would pay better than a postdoc and we could start a family (refer to the paid maternity leave). Also better than a postdoc: a real job (both industry and research) doesn't expire after 1-2 years.
Which sorta takes us into the baby discussion. Many of you may laugh and roll your eyes, so just skip this paragraph. Go ahead... Okay good. Back to what I was saying: I'm 29 and for some reason, my biological clock has decided to attack me with a sledgehammer on a daily basis. Luckily, X is on board. Unluckily, I have that whole finish-school-get-a-job problem. I know many peeps in my religion-of-youth* would tell me to go ahead and get knocked up; God will provide. Um, sorry. I agree he'll provide, but I tend to be in the "after all we can do" and "helps those who help themselves" camp. I got billz. And student loans. And an extra house in Tucson that's about to be empty, if you know someone who wants to rent or buy. And sorry, but I'm just too practical for this. If I can get a job and work for a couple of years, I can pay off my student debt - with paid maternity leave! - and we can decide as a family if I want to continue working or stay at home. /gasp!/ Blasphemy, I know. But I have a sneaking suspicion I will have a psychological need to feel productive and engage in multi-syllabic conversations on a daily basis. I might have remote work options available to me. Then again, I might not. I might be perfectly content to stay at home. But I want the option, and in the meantime, I got billz.** Oh - and did I mention I'm 29? The postdoc options would pretty much mandate that I wait at least another two years before even thinking about getting pregnant.
And so after all of the explaining comes the whine, er, dillema. Without any solid job prospects, writing is like pulling teeth. I either can't bring myself to even start, or I rewrite the same section 12 different times and delete all of them because they're awful. Which then reminds me that the reason I can't write is because I have no job lined up. By this point, any word-related skills are gone, so I get distracted and clean the house. (I have one small cubicle at the University, but it is shared with first year students who conduct group projects there daily.) While I'm stressing about not writing and not having a better place to write, I read my sister's blog and see adorable pictures of my niece, who coincidentally looks just like me. To avoid that blog, I check my cousin's and see their beyond adorable newborn son. By now, I'm in an estrogen-laced baby fit, which is eventually interrupted when I remember that I can't have a baby until I get a job. Oh, and I can't get a job until I finish school, which requires me finishing the above-mentioned dissertation. Rinse and repeat - all day long. It doesn't help that I'm an over-thinker. It's getting so overwhelming that some days I just can't get out of bed, or I take 3- and 4-hour long naps. Or on some days, both. On top of that mess, I'm an emotional eater, so I've also put on a few pounds, which some less-than-ideal friends have been so kind as to point out in front of others, further embarrassing me. If I don't stop this soon, I'll end up 25 pounds heavier with shingles again. (Yeah, when I get this stressed, my body pretty much just gives up and shuts down.)
So, dear blog-reading friends - all 2 1/2 of you - I am soliciting your help. Do any of you have any thoughts or ideas? How do you pull yourselves out of a spiral? I sincerely apologize if this is coming out with a whine; I need to get this out of my system and I'm genuinely looking for ideas.
*My religion-of-youth and religion-of-current are the same, and yet often very dissimilar. It has the same formal name, yet very different cultural norms. For instance, both involve going to the same buildings and reading the same things. But they differ in how the people treat one another and assumptions that are held. One assumption involves the selfishness and evil-ness of women who work.
**Update. This post was interrupted by church. It was interesting that the theme for ward conference was "Prepare Every Needful Thing" and the emphasis through the whole meeting was financial, including going to work, being self-reliant, and doing everything we can to budget and pay our bills. So guess what: I gotta work. So say the numbers or until I learn a new kind of math or X buys us a winning lottery ticket.
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